Why do people find asking for help so terrifying? In part, it’s the implied message that lies beneath the simple words that we find damaging to our self-image: Will people see me as being needy, a burden, less capable? Sharing the truth about something we can’t quite manage on our own makes us feel exposed and vulnerable. There is also the fear of rejection and the fear of imposing ourselves on others. On the surface, it seems simpler to struggle on and not ask for help.
No matter how shaky the credibility of these impediments is, they are what we are conditioned to feel when asking for help. But the underlying cause is our separation from one another, and this individualism is not necessarily what we want as humans. Feeling a connection and closeness to others increases our sense of wellbeing as we become a part of something beyond ourselves.
Asking for help strengthens the relatedness we have with others, tying us more closely to individuals and the community. Asking for help, getting help, offering help, and giving it when it's needed are all ways that we connect and stay connected with each other as human beings. That connection is precious and it's worth a lot more than any pride we may have in not needing it. So, ask for help.
I have returned with a new perspective on many things. We want to simplify our lives and asking for help makes things easier, especially while we are still living on QuickStar in a very soggy Sydney. Thank you to those people who have answered my call for a shower, a load of washing and especially the use of their clothes dryers. I could have made it by without your help, but your generosity and enthusiasm to open your homes has simplified things, making me happier. Hopefully you know you can turn to me too.
And I don’t want this to come to an end when we settle on land. Beware my neighbours, when I am baking and find myself two eggs short of a frittata, you will hear my knock. I expect the same from you too. Our street is a wonderful place to build community and making the effort to reach out to people around us helps strengthen these bonds. Our door will be open to you all.
So give it a go. Make someone else feel good by helping you and give them permission to come back to you later when they have a need. Build connections and feel the difference. Practise asking for help with little things, because there may come a time when the request is bigger and harder, but the need so much greater that you can’t afford to not be helped.